Roosters to Feather Dusters

The fall from grace can happen all too quickly.  The sound of the falling and then the landing reverberate through my being, deep deep in my soul.

I have screwed up BIG TIME.  You know how me and my team were working all hours of the day and night to try and save the day for the Company?  Well, it appears that, in all the frenzy and exhaustion, I made a boo boo.  We set up some delegations from the Board that, in the cold hard light of day, may not have worked.  Now someone outside the organisation is challenging what we did.

It was always a house of cards: the speed and desperation to quickly fix an issue creates a risk of its own.  I pointed this out at the time – to the CEO, the Executive, the Board, Dumb Boss…but now my prediction has come true and I’ve blown it.

As the sad tale unfolds and I have to tell each new Executive or Director affected, it becomes more and more stressful.  Dumb Boss is in denial.  He doesn’t want anyone in his area making a mistake,  He will deny it for a while, and then his true colours will shine: will he fire me or remember the stress we were all under?  If he readies himself to fire me it will send the most awful message to my team and the world: don;t kill yourself for the organisation for they won’t stand behind you.

But regardless of the future, the sick feeling in my stomach means I haven’t managed to relax at all this holiday.   Instead, I have had to pull executives together, some from their holidays, to tell them of the error and its repercussions.  The silence on the end of the phone is thick with disappointment.  When I apologise, I hear “No, we are where we are, let’s just deal with it.”

Our outside law firm, who worked with me on the document, feels the same.  After I gratefully accepted their wisdom and guidance, their litigation partners now tell me of the potential conflict that they have, since the mistake may have been theirs (no admissions, you understand).

I don’t know how this will end.  I just know we need to get through it and it’s my job to pull the Company out and not wallow too obviously in my own guilt and regret.  It’s my job, though, to pull them out of these messes, not to cause them.  No doubt there will be some  nasty characters who enjoy this; those people who see only the worst in others and criticise them behind their backs.  I could name them now.

All of this points me to one end: get out of this corporate lunacy.  Its rewards are nowhere near worth the downsides.