Clearing the mist

10 days of feeling sick to my stomach seemed enough.  It left me tired and drained.  Part of the problem was that, over the Christmas break, I just couldn’t get anything of any use done.  Stressing and worrying seemed the only constructive thing to do.

On Monday, though, it was back to work.  As I drove the long drive from our (brief) holiday venue to the office, I remained weighed down by the drama I had created – the complexity and expense and potential liability – at a time when the Company needed it the least.  I felt drained of energy and no closer to resolving things.

In my car, a revelation struck: I could either remain under this guilt, or I could release myself.  Because if I didn’t I would be no use to anyone, least of all myself.  What would I as a leader expect of someone in my team who had made a mistake?  Well, if they’d made the mistake for the right reason (ie they were not being sloppy or lazy) then I’d want them to learn from it.  To own up to it.  To face it head on and fix it.  To not let it destroy them or their confidence.  And that was what I needed to do.

By the time I arrived at work, I was back.  The Company needs me on my game now more than ever.  If I can’t recover from this, then what do I have?

Sure, there will be more times where I need to tell people (like the CEO) about the issue.  I have to acknowledge the error and apologise – and try to help non-lawyers understand how obscure the rule is that tripped us up so I don’t come across like a total idiot.  To gently remind others of the pressure we were under at the time, and the exhaustion that prevailed.  But most of all to be ready to fight on another day and be the General Counsel they need to get through this time.