Cave-in

So, we ran the case…the one to test whether what I had done was right or wrong…and lost.  Big time.  It could cost the organisation tens of millions…And now I feel it’s all my fault.  Trying to keep breathing.  Trying to forget, really…and not doing such a bad job of that.  I know there were plenty of others involved, that I need a balanced perspective or I WILL end up wearing the blame, and others who were there, pushing, making bad decisions will find me an easy target.

The Directors went ballistic, as did Dumb Boss.  I had a meaningful discussion with one of DB’s colleagues about being prepared to go – for a price.  Dreams of my year off were reinvigorated.  Budgets prepared for up to 2 years without a job.  A friend offered to buy my house.

Dumb Boss called me to a meeting – was this to be it?  Apparently not.  He was calm and understanding.  No sign of being got rid of yet, however much I might want it.  Why is he reasonable when I least want him to be?

Got word today that a couple of nasty individuals in the industry are spreading rumours that I should be fired…this is people who have barely met me!  But people who wanted my job.  Life is funny, eh?  Oddly, at the moment, I could care less.  Just get on with it.  Keep doing your job, I say to myself, and pray this doesn’t blow up to be any bigger than it is already. 

I can’t believe that doing my job is costing me my reputation…it seems so unfair, esp being judged by people who couldn’t cope even half as well in a crisis, whose integrity is questionable at the best of times.  For some reason, I am seeing my career as if an observer – this is the crossroads for me.  Will I stay, or will I go?

I could really do with the time off.  To renew myself and find my way.  I can’t stay much longer in this den of nastiness.

Clearing the mist

10 days of feeling sick to my stomach seemed enough.  It left me tired and drained.  Part of the problem was that, over the Christmas break, I just couldn’t get anything of any use done.  Stressing and worrying seemed the only constructive thing to do.

On Monday, though, it was back to work.  As I drove the long drive from our (brief) holiday venue to the office, I remained weighed down by the drama I had created – the complexity and expense and potential liability – at a time when the Company needed it the least.  I felt drained of energy and no closer to resolving things.

In my car, a revelation struck: I could either remain under this guilt, or I could release myself.  Because if I didn’t I would be no use to anyone, least of all myself.  What would I as a leader expect of someone in my team who had made a mistake?  Well, if they’d made the mistake for the right reason (ie they were not being sloppy or lazy) then I’d want them to learn from it.  To own up to it.  To face it head on and fix it.  To not let it destroy them or their confidence.  And that was what I needed to do.

By the time I arrived at work, I was back.  The Company needs me on my game now more than ever.  If I can’t recover from this, then what do I have?

Sure, there will be more times where I need to tell people (like the CEO) about the issue.  I have to acknowledge the error and apologise – and try to help non-lawyers understand how obscure the rule is that tripped us up so I don’t come across like a total idiot.  To gently remind others of the pressure we were under at the time, and the exhaustion that prevailed.  But most of all to be ready to fight on another day and be the General Counsel they need to get through this time.

Roosters to Feather Dusters

The fall from grace can happen all too quickly.  The sound of the falling and then the landing reverberate through my being, deep deep in my soul.

I have screwed up BIG TIME.  You know how me and my team were working all hours of the day and night to try and save the day for the Company?  Well, it appears that, in all the frenzy and exhaustion, I made a boo boo.  We set up some delegations from the Board that, in the cold hard light of day, may not have worked.  Now someone outside the organisation is challenging what we did.

It was always a house of cards: the speed and desperation to quickly fix an issue creates a risk of its own.  I pointed this out at the time – to the CEO, the Executive, the Board, Dumb Boss…but now my prediction has come true and I’ve blown it.

As the sad tale unfolds and I have to tell each new Executive or Director affected, it becomes more and more stressful.  Dumb Boss is in denial.  He doesn’t want anyone in his area making a mistake,  He will deny it for a while, and then his true colours will shine: will he fire me or remember the stress we were all under?  If he readies himself to fire me it will send the most awful message to my team and the world: don;t kill yourself for the organisation for they won’t stand behind you.

But regardless of the future, the sick feeling in my stomach means I haven’t managed to relax at all this holiday.   Instead, I have had to pull executives together, some from their holidays, to tell them of the error and its repercussions.  The silence on the end of the phone is thick with disappointment.  When I apologise, I hear “No, we are where we are, let’s just deal with it.”

Our outside law firm, who worked with me on the document, feels the same.  After I gratefully accepted their wisdom and guidance, their litigation partners now tell me of the potential conflict that they have, since the mistake may have been theirs (no admissions, you understand).

I don’t know how this will end.  I just know we need to get through it and it’s my job to pull the Company out and not wallow too obviously in my own guilt and regret.  It’s my job, though, to pull them out of these messes, not to cause them.  No doubt there will be some  nasty characters who enjoy this; those people who see only the worst in others and criticise them behind their backs.  I could name them now.

All of this points me to one end: get out of this corporate lunacy.  Its rewards are nowhere near worth the downsides.

Love at last!

In a somewhat  unexpected twist, it appears that Dumb Boss is dashing around the building, telling all who will listen how wonderful my team and I are.  He apparently thinks that we are doing the most amazing job with all these funds, and ain’t afraid to say it.

He has also confirmed that he is NOT splitting up my team.  He pretends that this is about cost savings (ie a central team is able to better share work and thus minimise costs), but I know the truth: from my chats with his peers, it appears most of them never wanted lawyers in their business units to begin with.  Dumb Boss’s lies exposed!

Naturally, since he and I are now practically engaged, I do not raise this.  I smile, and thank him, and tell my team we will stay together.  They are overjoyed.

Return from Paradise

So, I’m back.

Just a quick post with a few updates. More detail in future updates:

1. Dumb Boss has struck, actually recruiting someone for my team while I’ve been away.  This is despite his agreement with me when I joined that I had full control of hiring and firing for my team.

2. The good news is that we have received the results of our latest culture survey, which shows Legal is as engaged as the rest of them.  No longer do we lag behind – rather, in the leadership scores, we have the best results in the company.

3. I did take the plunge headlong back into that relationship with my Greek man.  Maybe more about that later

Ciao for now.

Island Paradise

It’s 3 weeks into my 5 week trip, and I am feeling great.  Thoughts of Dumb Boss have receded, and my main priority is making sure I find the best restaurants wherever I am so I don’t waste a single meal in this fabulous country.  Greek food is so clean and healthy (yeah, some of it’s deep fried, and there is a lot of cheese involved, but it makes you feel on top of the world).  Salads and grilled fish and meat are standard – makes you wonder what people who have the discipline to eat like that all the time feel like…maybe I should give it a shot instead of backsliding into take-away hell when I return.

I got a quick update from the office – Dumb Boss has apparently undertaken that he will not restructure the team by putting the lawyers into the business units if the team violently opposes it…we’ll see if he’s still singing that same song when I rock back into the office, all tanned and clear-minded.

Speaking of clear-minded, I did entertain the cheeky idea of resigning by a text message.  This manoeuvre would surely catapult me into legend status within the company, my industry…the world!  Luckily, sanity gripped hold of me (and the fact I didn’t have the idiot’s cell number) and I kept my trigger thumbs busy doing other things.

But, let me tell you about Greece!

I have been island hopping, starting on Keffalonia, the island of Captain Corelli fame.  I rented a car, and drove around most of the island on day 1, ending up in a tiny village on the west coast, called Assos.  It was magic – probably the defining experience of my trip.  The fabulous taverna on the tiny town square served up the most fabulous Greek home cooking, day after day.  Not to mention the BEST EVER eggplant dip, which I had religiously each day on the island.  To top it off, the plain accommodation was only 25 euros per night.  Magic.  I would go back in a second.

Then it was onto Sifnos, a lovely place in the Cycladic group.  Even though I arrived there on 26 September, the island had mostly shut down due to the tail end of the tourist season.  Met by a little bit of rain, but enjoyed it anyway – a quiet getaway.

Moved on to Paros, which seemed a lot busier at the first impression.  Stayed in a great fishing village called Naoussa, which was home to the best fish tavernas I have been to all trip.  I became the customer that sidled in each day asking “what is good today?” to be presented with a fabulous array of fish and salads from an overworked waiter.  The family that owns the restaurant has a number of caiques, which go out each day and bring the catch in for serving up at the restaurant.

Now, I am on Crete, the grand daddy of all the islands – its sheer size dwarfs all the others.  My first 3 nights were an indulgence: at the Blue Palace, the no 1 spa in Greece.  It was AB-SO-LUTE-LY SPECTACULAR I DIED AND WENT TO HEAVEN.  If you are going to Crete, and can afford the price (trust me: the accommodation is dwarfed by the cost of the food), I highly recommend it.

Moving on to Chania, a gorgeous town with a Venetian Harbour, and massive charm.  Now I am in Rethymno (a little ordinary, but I have been spoiled) and move to Iraklio tomorrow to see the Palace of Knossos (read: old Minoan stuff, tarted up by a rich archaelogist dude) and then to fabulous, heavenly, spectacular Santorini for 5 nights.  Pray that the seas are calm – most of the ferry ride over here was a disturbing attempt not to feel any sicker than I needed to.  “Stare at the horizon” I repeated to myself as the crew member handed out the company-branded sick bags.  Oddly, when the pretty American blonde threw up across from me, I started feeling better…go explain that.

Greece!

I am writing to you from cold, rainy Athens (where did that sunny weather go?) where I have escaped for 5 glooooorious weeks away.

Well, maybe not glorious.  I had a dumb boss moment before I left, which soured the beginning of the trip.  Now all I can do is worry that he will have his evil way with my team while I am somewhere in the Aegean.  I suppose that’s somewhat better than my being in the same room as him, where I would probably just take a knife to him and be done with.

You may remember that Dumb Boss was threatening to break up the Legal team and put them into the business units?  We agreed that I would put forward various models, and although I tried to get him to agree not to make any decisions while I am away, he agreed only not to make any announcements.  Now, this is a breakthrough given how evil he is, and besides it’s all I could get out of him. 

So, before I left, I told the team I had put various models forward, but that no decisions had been made and there wouldn’t be any news while I was away.

So much for that: at a “Leadership Team” gathering organised by the new CEO, a number of presentations about the new priorities for the business are released, and GUESS WHAT.  One of the organisation charts for a brand new business unit has, under the Product Manager, a box that says “Legal”.  Oh, great.  This means that my team will spot this little surprise next week and, not only do I not know what it means (how many people? direct or dotted reporting line?), but the “Legal” function has to report to the most inappropriate person in the company.  The guy – George – doesn’t understand governance at all and is always coming up with harebrained schemes to make money.  He resents issues being raised and avoids bad news like the plague.  AND NOW IT SEEMS THAT ONE OR MORE OF MY TEAM HAS TO REPORT TO THIS IDIOT!

Lord knows what I will find when I finally turn up to work again at the end October.  Right now, I am trying to get past the mental discipline of not thinking about work constantly.  However, this isn’t easy as I don’t know whether I should just expect to arrive home to find my team decimated and me out of a job, or if it won’t be that bad at all.  At the very least, I know I have to cut around 10% from my budget (since world financial markets have fallen on tough times) and can’t work out how we will actually get the work done…

Anyhow, if I get the chance, I will make this more of a travelogue on Greece, and only occasionally refer to stupid accountants who I may or may not report to…

Last week, before I flew out, I attended an

Fireside chats with HR

I don’t know about you, but I am never sure if I can completely trust HR.  I always feel like they sit on the fence and do the bidding of their corporate masters.  Sometimes they lack actual human traits.

Our HR business partner is an extremely intelligent person.  She has followed the trajectory of the legal team for many years now, and acknowledges (with enormous relief) that it is now a happy, well functioning team and that’s because of what I have done.  She is also very aware that my team is very loyal to me, and that it’s likely to implode if I leave.

However, I always get the sense that she is assessing me (and everyone else she comes across).  So I am wary.

Her old boss is the dude I have been getting advice from about the DB situation, and as far as she is able, she has agreed that DB is a pain in the ass and has serious leadership issues.  She has been very supportive of me.  She also knows I have a good dialogue with her old boss.  So, I called her.  First, I told her that I think DB is trying to get rid of me.  Second, that I am getting legal advice.  Third, that for an appropriately large sum of money I will leave quietly.

And I wait.  As word slowly filters back to Dumb Boss…

Guten tag, Deutschland!

I have been amused to note, by the way, that my stories of Dumb Boss have been referenced in the Financial Times in Germany (see link below).  Of course, I am hopelessly embarrassed that they picked me up for being so slack with updating my blog.

Their story is about bloggers who tell tales of their bosses.  Oddly, in the context of questioning whether some references on other blogs to the blogger’s boss are true, the journo Anja Rützel points out that it is unknown whether my stories are, in fact, real.

Oh, dear reader (and Anna), I’m afraid they are.  How could I have made this person up?  And why would I waste my time?  Maybe his stupidity is so extreme as to be fanciful…but, no, there are lunatics like him everywhere.

Anyhow, greetings to all the German FT readers who have landed on this blog in the past couple of days, and I promise to be much better at updating in the future (provided DB doesn’t break my spirit)

http://www.ftd.de/lifestyle/outofoffice/:Out_of_Office_Bob_der_ungeliebte_Blogmeister/402508.html

Sensational

We have a new CEO, and I think he’s got Dumb Boss’s number.  The new CEO is an impressive, genuinely nice guy, who I think will take the Company to the next level – exactly what it needs.  I’ve been excited for a while, and now he’s finally on board.

First, the new CEO really really values Legal – he says he won’t make a move without us, and he’s alreday shown this.  All in front of Dumb Boss, who sits by lamely.

Second, I think I told you that Dumb Boss tried to bully me into dropping the problems I had with our Directors’ & Officers insurance.  He doesn’t think a company needs D&O at all, and I had to take a lot of heat from him in escalating the issue to the Board.  I’ve laid out the issues with D&O for the new CEO, and he’s all over it.  In fact, in a meeting yesterday, he violently agreed with me – in front of Dumb Boss.  DB sat there like a fried egg, wobbling his head up and down like he’d agreed with me all along. 

And, best of all, DB has shown his true colours and is coming to all the briefings being held with the new CEO – this is the surest way for the new guy to see what a total control freak DB is.  In fact, they were in a meeting yesterday, and DB tried to answer all the questions the CEO asked of the experts.  The CEO had to shut him down and say “I want to hear from the others”.  He totally tanked the plan that Dumb Boss had put forward, and said that he wanted a simpler, more holistic approach.  YESSSSS!

This next few months is going to be sensational.